They're lyin' and they're cheatin'
This family can't be beatin...
They're fightin' while they're eatin'
The MERRICK FAMILY

Their house is a museum
It has a mausoleum
I wouldn't wanna be 'em...
The MERRICK FAMILY

They're RICH....(snap snap)
One hitch....(snap snap)
(it's not really Dimitri's baby and no one knows but Skye)
What a bitch!!

They'll probably never make up,
They're gonna drag the lake up!
But this baby soon will break up.....
The MERRICK Family (snap snap)

1997

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A long long time ago
I can still remember how his "Oy Mate" used to make me smile
And I knew if he had the chance
That he could make those Santi dance
And maybe I'd be happy for a while.
But February made Hayley shiver
With the special treat he had to give 'er
Bad drugs in the sports juice
To try to get her shorts loose.
For the next two months she cried
"I'm too big a slut to be a Santos bride"
But Tanner's smile came from deep inside
The day the engines died

So
(Refrain)
Bye-bye, to this Austral-i-ian guy
Chandler Manor has a banner
Reading "Die Tanner Die!"
And them good old posters have no tears in their eyes
Singin' this'll be the day that he dies
This'll be the day that he dies

Would you believe that it was love
Would you hold hands in the skies above
If an Aussie tells you so
Do you believe in Holidays
Can it save you from your mother's ways
And can it teach you how to drink real slow
Well, Hayley left Mateo in the lurch
Mateo fought the Aussie in a church
Tanner kicked him with his pointy shoes
As they climbed all over the pews
The Aussie killed the Holidays romance
Mateo took a fighting stance
And Tanner Jordan split his pants
The day the wedding fried

I started singin'
(Refrain)

Now Tanner's been blackmailing Skye
Who wanted to reveal the Wildwind lie
That Maria's not the Saint she's thought to be
Now Dimitri was a haunted wreck
He put the big question to the tech
Did the baby come from Ed or me
Oh, and while Maria was hopin' for the best
Skye snuck in and changed the test
The paternity was confused
Eddie's genes were refused
Though all Andy wanted was a little sex
Tanner traded up for her trust fund checks
To get his revenge on Mr. Tex-Mex
The day the bloodtests lied

We were singing
(Refrain)

Helter Skelter in Sweeps Month swelter
Hayley flew back to the makeshift shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
She cried foul and bloody nass
I know I rejected his forward pass
In the debris she found the clues from the past
Now Willow Lake air had sweet perfume
From cherry blossoms all in bloom
The fish were getting fed
Oh, Tanner's phoney Dad was dead
'Cause the psychic sensed his soul's unrest
Mateo and Jackson were on a quest
The Pinecone lost another guest
The day that Earl died

We started singing
(Refrain)

Oh, and there they were all in one cave
A Chandler heir in another close shave
With no time left to rape again
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jackson, do your D.A. schtick
You made it just in time to see the end
Oh, and as I watched him in the bed
Knowing everyone watching wanted him dead
No Aussie born in hell
Could break that Santos spell
And as Hayley had flashbacks to the beach
And Tanner slipped further out of reach
The doctors should have used a leach
The day the scanners died

He was singing
(Refrain)

I met a sheepdog with the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just growled and turned away
I went down to Holidays Bar
Where they don't serve eggs in a jar
But Tanner had driven all the customers away
And in the streets Francesca screamed
The himbos cried, and the smegheads dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The writers all were broken
And the people that he hurt the most
Mateo, Tink, and Earl's ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the tickling died

They were singing bye-bye, kiss the Aussie goodbye
Chandler Manor hung a banner
Reading "Die Tanner Die!"
There ain't a poster here with a tear in their eye
Singin' Monday is the day that he'll die
Monday is the day that he'll die


Copied From ABC boards : )
1997

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Let me tell a story "bout a girl named Brooke
Came to see her aunt and that was all it took.
Its been 20 years since she first dipped in the pool...
but how will she convince us that she still is not a fool?

Pine Valley Fool that is...

Artists, Galleries.......

She opened up a shelter and it was very small,
Then Laura came to town and was treated bad an' all,
Adam made his pitch bought some large appliances!
And next thing you know Laura's calling Brookie MOM.

Adopted......Livin' Large......

Lady Lessons........

Now they're all livin' close in the town of Pine Valleeeeee!

(Pierce.....get rid of 'im!)

Sus (Trustyred)
1997

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There is a place in Pine Valley,
They call it Holidays.
It's the latest hangout of many folks,
Whether straight, bi-sexual, or gay.

It used to be a CW dive,
With Karaoke sung at night.
Beer and shots were the soup de jour,
And they often served up a fight.

Now they serve up comfort food,
No more patrons wearing jeans.
Meet your friends any time of day,
They even let in teens.

It's run by Haley and Mateo,
Tanner helps keep the bar.
Haley used to be an alkie,
And Tanner's an a-hole liar.

The competion includes the P.V. Inn,
And the hamburger joint, McKay's.
But the spirit of Holidays is clear,
The customer always pays.

So mothers, tell your children,
To avoid this place at all costs.
They might end up like Bobby Martin,
Gone to camp, and forever lost!

HollyHoo2
1997

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You know I sympathize with you...
The urge has overwhelming power...
You wanna boink your girl, it's true..
I can tell it by your painful glower.
Go on Scotty, take a shower. Go on Scotty take a shower....

You know that you might have to wait
To rub the bloom off Laura's flower
So don't destroy your love so great,
For an act that takes a quarter-hour...
Go on Scotty take a shower. Go on Scotty take a shower..

- - - - Very long musical interlude, which should give Scott plenty of time to relieve himself - - - - - - -

So don't you go and blow a gasket....
Or jump off of an old bell tower...
No need to "liquidate your assets"...
Don't worry man, your sperm won't sour.
Go on Scotty, take a shower...Go on Scotty take a shower...Go on Scotty take a
Shower!!!

- - - - - More cool music - - - - -

Judi
1997

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And here's to you, Kelsey Jefferson
Your life's about as fun as drying glue
Woo-woo woo
Just rest it please, Kelsey Jefferson
Kevin doesn't want you, 'cause he's gay
Hey-hey-hey.... hey-hey-hey -----------

We'd like to know what keeps you in this tiny PA town
We'd like to help you try to find yourself
Look around, and you'd see you'd be better off at Brown
'Stead of collecting dust on the old dating shelf.

(repeat chorus) -------------------

Write it in a diary that no one wants to read
Tell it all to Opal if you must
Hoping Kevin will fulfill your ever longing need
Meanwhile staring at his bod with drooling lust

(repeat chorus) --------------

Sitting by the boathouse at about 1:43
Checking out the PV rowing team.
Telling perfect strangers you and Kevin are a "we
Hang it up, 'cause bedding him is just a dream.

Where are you now, Keith Hamilton Cobb?
Not that anybody wants to know....
Ho -ho-ho
What's that you say, Kelsey Jefferson?
"Rumor say's he works at Mickey D."
Hee-hee-hee Hee-hee-hee

- - - - - - - - - - - - - fade out - - - - - - - - - -

Judi
1997

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(chorus)
So you think your life is a mess?
Are you over-worked and depressed?
Would you like to go get some rest?
(verse)
Or would you rather be Ms. Kane?

Ms. Kane is a woman who lives bigger than life;
She's been almost everybody's wife.
She's a firecracker with a real short fuse
So, don't dare cross her, cuz you'll always lose!
But if you like causing Dr. Santos pain...
You may turn out to be Ms. Kane

(repeat chourus)

(verse)
Or would you rather be Bore-ooke?

Bore-ooke is an editor who thinks she is fierce
She sleeps with an idiot named Pierce.
She has two children that she never sees;
She bores the viewers with her homilies.
If you can spit on your foes with just a look....
You may turn out to be Bore-ooke

(chorus)

(verse)
Or would you rather be Ms. Vaughn?

Ms. Vaughn is an alchy who is running a bar
Her dad is a television czar;
Her mom's convinced her that her life is doomed
And to that thinking, she is all consumed;
So if you don't mind being Tanner's pawn....
You may turn out to be Ms. Vaughn

And other loonies live in P.V.
Watch them everyday on TV
On a show they call AMC......
Life could be worse, I have to stress
You could be livin' in this mess!

Judie
1997

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There's no room here for fighting;
This is a Happy Place!
Don't spaz 'bout what we're writing;
This is a Happy Place!

You shouldn't have to take us serious; we're here for fun.
You'll never have to date or marry us; so, drop the gun.

Don't lecture or berate us;
Why don't you just join in?
You can go on and hate us,
Just do it with a grin <g>

And end your post with a cute smiley face :-), 'cause this is a Happy Place!

(now comes the musical interlude, where we do this incredibly adorable dance
number. If you could see it from overhead, you'd see that we have just formed
a giant "smiley face" :-) ! Wow! This IS a talented board!)
(now back to the song)

If you find us frustrating,
Don't go and bust your spleen.
Stop the pontificating,
We don't know what that means.

And if you leave those pompus attitudes outside the door,
You won't be spouting pious platitudes, they're such a bore!

All of us want to meet you,
No matter who you be.
The gang is here to greet you.
Come join our fam-i-ly.
So,
Be a sport, or get out of our face, 'cause, this is a Happy Place!

Judi
1997

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David and Donna have to be discreet
Wonder when they'll confess that they long to meet.
He says that he's gay (that's just a facade)
We all know he's lusting after Donna's bod.

Friday night, he writes that she's a nutcase
Saturday, we wait for her reply
Sunday morning, she says he's a butt-face
Oh, how they lie!

David and Donna, their sniping is in jest
Wonder when their secret love will be confessed

Monday night, they dream their lips are blending
Tuesday's naps are anything but dry
Wednesday comes, and they resume pretending
Oh, how they lie!

David and Donna, longing to be wed
Wonder when they finally will share a bed

Judi

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(introduction)
You've told some lies and messed up lives, and no one really cares.
You've cheated on your husbands and had numerous affairs.
You're spoiled and self-centered and you gave your mom gray hairs.
But we forgave you, 'cuz we love you, baby.

You shot at Kent by accident, OK, that's not a crime.
Hid Kinder in a carpet, 'cuz the man was just plain slime.
You've done some stupid things, but we forgive you every time....
But now you've gone and took Maria's baby.

We think it's time to put this plot to rest..........and here is our request:

(song)
Why don't you give back Sonia to Maria?
W hy not go to Oakhaven for a spell?
W hy don't you end this vengence on Maria?
You're going way off of the deep-end, I can tell.

You've done some screwy things within your lifetime
How you got out of them boggles my brain.
So, who are you gonna blame?, and how will you clear your name?
How are you gonna make up for the pain?
Why don't you give back Sonia to Mariaaaaaaa?
W hy don't you just admit you've gone insane?

Judi

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Die! Die Tanner!
I really hate you so!
Die! Die Tanner!
Can't wait 'til you go.

I puke. Tanner; each time I see you smirk.
(I'd nuke Tanner, cause he's such a jerk!)

I'd like to smash your skull
Or cover you in plaster.

Or drown you in hot oil
Because you're such a bas ***d!!!!

Die! Die Tanner!
I don't care how you go.
Die! Die Tanner!
Just get off the sho-o-o-o-o-o-ow!
Just get of the show!

Judi

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I can be bossy, I can crawl.
I can make you cry, and I can bawl.
I can hold back, or give my all
You choose

(chorus)
I've played out any plot you can conceive.
I've given you some toughs; I've made you grieve.
I really ought to win, I do believe.
( If I don't, it's a crime)
I'll take the emmy this time!

I'll thank everyone I've ever met.
Give a lovely speech you won't forget.
And tell all of my fans I'm in their debt.
So, once more, I'll chime:
I'll take the emmy this time!
I'll take the emmy this time!
I'll take the emmy this time!

Judi

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Why should these rules apply? Because our Darcy said so, that's why!

You better have THE DAMN BOOK
(Pardon me if I sound crude)
Don't worry how your clothes look
'Cuz you have to post in the nude!
Darcy's Rules
For us postin' fools

Let her organize your time
So you can do more posting
If you're pregnant while on line,
Darcy will name your offspring
Darcy's Rules
For us postin' fools

You don't need me to ex plain..After all , you know she's ERICA KANE!!!!!!!!

Judi

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When it is the time for her gestation
She will fix it, this I know
But until that happens.... .Let it go

Tho it is a source of irritation
How she wears it on the show
We don't have to watch her.... Let it go ...

Let it go, let it go, let it go, yeah, let it go ... this won't last forever, let it go-oooh!

(obligatory fade out)

Judi

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Pierce has a flashback that keeps on repeating:
Adams determined to catch Liza cheating:
Brooke sticks her nose into all happenings....
These are a few of those Pine Valley thi i i ings..............

All the sub-plots, all -the pot-shots, all those HUNKY MEN...
I can't get enough of those Pine Valley things....and so I tune in.......a-gain!

Judi

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Did'ja hear 'bout Liza Colby? She called a news crew
To film Erica's latest arrest;
And there's Dimitri (like a bad penny)
Could it be this man's a pest?

Then there's Stuart Chandler,
Ed and Maria Grey
Look out for nurse Gloria Marsh, and Skye (dressed in brown)
Oh, their life's being scrutinized (yeah)
Now that Dimwit's hanging 'round...

I said Stuart Chandler...
Ed and Maria Grey
Look out for nurse Gloria Marsh, and Skye (dressed in brown)
Oh, their life's being scrutinized (yeah)
Now that Dimwi-i-i-i-i-i-i-it's hangin' 'rou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
(Look out, old Dimwit's back!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Judi
1997